That’s right folks, we’re back with an all-new line of high-powered snow machines from the CAPiTA Super Corporation. Above and beyond our standard technical supremacy, we’re also gonna hit you with some psychological tactics to get you on our side. Call it subliminal messaging, the art of persuasion or simple schoolyard marketing, we’re about to lay it on thick. It starts with our patented move, the ‘ol “OF DEATH™” trick. You see, anything and everything in life appears cooler when labeled “of death.” You know your semi-dorky ginger friend? Well, with about a month and a little help from your friends at CAPiTA, that badass can show up at school with The Red Beard OF DEATH. You can apply this trick to anything. Even static objects devoid of any meaning at all. Try it at home. You can suddenly have The White Coffee Mug OF DEATH, or The No. 2 Pencil OF DEATH. Join the fun! It even works on cuddly things like The Super Soft No Chafe Baby Butt Talc Powder OF DEATH. Now, let’s apply this strategy to something that is already off the charts, next level incredible. We could have named the best all terrain snowboard on the planet anything, but we know how you think. We’re inside your head. We know what you want, and it’s The Black Snowboard OF DEATH.